My strategy for combating the urge to keep up with the Joneses
There’s a really simple strategy I like to employ for fighting the urge to ‘keep up with the Joneses’ we all feel sometimes. When presented with an in-your-face expression of conspicuous consumption, I ask one simple question. Here’s a representative exchange:
Buried-in-debt Consumerist: “Hey, check out my new Lexus/iPod/plasma TV.”
Me: “Nice.”
B.I.D.C.: “Yeah. It’s the latest model. Pretty sweet, huh?”
Me: “Man, that must have cost a pretty penny. How long did you have to save to buy that?”
B.I.D.C.: “Uh…”
The urge to ‘keep up with the Joneses’ is arguably written into our DNA. Some say the urge is stoked by advertising. Others say (with solid backing from recent research) that it’s because of our social groups. I’ve written that I think conspicuous consumption is driven by comparing ourselves to those slightly above us on the economic ladder.
The reason why we feel the need to spend like other people do doesn’t matter. It’s our response to that urge that matters.
I realize this topic is one of those where a lot of people say, “That doesn’t apply to me. I don’t feel that pressure to keep up. I’m not affected by advertising or my neighbor getting a new car.”
That’s crap. We all feel this way at one time or another. Denying that puts you squarely in the 85% of people who claim they’re a better-than-average driver. Yeah, “Everyone else is affected like that. Not me.” Ok.
But again, none of that matters. Only your response to a situation where you face conspicuous consumption matters. One quick question will help you remain grounded and avoid the trap.
“How long did you have to save to buy that?”
Shuts ‘em up every time.
October 8th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Excellent strategy! Chasing other people’s perceived financial indulgences only causes you to undermine your financial well being.
Instead of always wanting more (as you chase the Jones’) it also helps to sometimes reflect on how much you have compared to the many that are not so privileged.
- Mark
October 8th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
“The reason why we feel the need to spend like other people do doesn’t matter. It’s our response to that urge that matters.”
Important insight. I love looking into human behavior and trying to figure out why we act the way we do. But when it comes to actually fixing the problem, it’s not analysis which will do it but strategic response.
I like your response, too. It’s not as tacky as, say, asking “Wow, how much debt do you have now?” Instead, you’re flattering them by assuming they have good spending habits and probably undermining them too. Clever.
October 8th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
It’s a good response, but it seems to me that people might be put off by that. Or they might simply answer, “Save to buy an iPod? Um, maybe two weeks.” I think it’s the people that have all these things in multiple quantities (or the Lexus) that presents the problem.
In the case of a Lexus, you might just get a “I financed it over 5 years” response and then not have the effect that you were looking for.
October 8th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Every time my friend sees someone who purchased something new he just tells himself their in debt (even if their not). Psychologically he learned to associate new with debt in order for him not to buy anything new. It’s just another way of looking at it.
October 8th, 2007 at 10:45 pm
I felt like that during the real estate boom. Everyone I knew I was buying up houses left and right at inflated prices and still making a killing, and I felt like I wasn’t keeping up…that is until the housing market bubble burst…I feel vindicated now.
-Raymond
October 9th, 2007 at 8:22 am
@ Lazy Man - Ok, maybe the iPod wasn’t the greatest example. I’m not afraid of somebody being put off by the question. If you’re going to wave your shiny new possession in my face in a ‘look what I have and you don’t’ manner, I don’t mind making you uncomfortable at all. And if you tell me the Lexus is financed for 5 years, you and I both know you don’t ‘own’ it.
@Money Blue Book - Gotta remind yourself of that. It’s hard to be contrarian because there’s ’safety’ in numbers. If you follow the herd and they turn out to be wrong, at least you look foolish with lots of company. Sometimes that’s like not looking foolish at all. “I wasn’t the only one who fell for it.”
October 12th, 2007 at 7:04 am
@KMC - oh my goodness this blog speaks to me in ways you cannot believe! My husband even chides me that the neighbors have cars we cannot have. Here’s our typical teasing conversation:
DH: The neighbors have a Lotus. You could never have one of those.
Me: You don’t have one either. We also don’t have debt up to our eyeballs.
DH: Yeah, but you still don’t have a nice car.
Me: *sigh*
It’s so irritating, because he’s putting into words what “Keeping Up With the Joneses” is all about!!! But I guess that’s what spouses are for.
I’m going to try your “How Long Did You Have to Save to Buy That.” It maybe be a little put-off-ish, but it’s better than reinforcing the person’s behavior. It might make us all a little happier if we lower the consumerism attitude!
November 8th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
Though many misjudge their abilities, etc. some people are better than average drivers, savers, etc. So to assume that all of that 85% who thinks they’re better than average is mistaken (not saying *you* made that assumption) is erroneous too, I believe.
Many do see themselves inaccurately but there are some who actually are more advanced in certain areas, and often they are aware of it. So we can’t assume that everyone who says “I’m not affected by this phenomenon,” or “I’m a better than average driver,” is wrong. Somewhere in that 85% are, I think, some who are actually correct about their abilities and behavior.
April 18th, 2008 at 7:15 am
Nice strategy. Simple and effective but unfortunately the vast majority of people are just way too caught up in their own little world of trying to out do each other to every ask that question. In my parents time it was a case of “don’t buy something you can’t afford” these days it seems to be a case of “how can you afford not to buy it…I mean what would the neighbours say?”